Posted by: Lisa | August 27, 2010

Shopping for Moms (or at least this mom)

If you know me at all, you know these things regarding my “sense” of fashion:

1. I hate to shop.  It raises my blood pressure.  I hate the crowds, the rude people, the clothes crammed on racks, the dressing room policies, stores that are too hot or too cold, salespeople who are either nonexistent or trying to molest you, the prices, & the stress/depression from trying on 739 outfits and going home with just blisters on my feet & a milkshake for solace.

2. My idea of “Black Friday” includes leftover turkey sandwiches, sleeping late, & football.  I’d rather go through childbirth sans epidural than get within 5 miles of a shopping mall on that day.

3. If I have to choose between comfort and fashion, I go with comfort any day of the week.  Half the reason I chose teaching as my career instead of an office job is so I could wear flat shoes, sweaters/khakis, and a ponytail.  I have always been that way.  My mom had to re-sew all of my footed pajamas because the toes “felt funny.”  None of my clothes have tags in them (um, scratchy!).  I think I was the only woman on Earth who didn’t want to give up her maternity clothes after pregnancy because I seriously dug the elastic waistbands.

4.  If Kohls, Target, or Old Navy doesn’t carry it, I definitely don’t need it.  Better yet – consignment stores.  Best of all?

5. My husband & I make a perfect pair because we couldn’t agree more on the previous points.  His dad washes & gels his hair before mowing the grass.  My mom, grandma, & sister all spend great amounts of time and money on looking great (and they do!).  The genes just somehow got lost on each of us.  I think after one particularly bad back-to-school shopping trip with me my mom had a DNA test done on me because she just wasn’t sure I was her child.  I try to remind Jon regularly that he saves a fortune by being married to me, given what most wives spend on clothing, shoes, & accessories.

All that being said, I decided to use my GPS today to find some clothing stores (yes, it’s been that long – I forgot where they all were).  I still wear clothes that I wore in high school.  That’s not an exaggeration.  I have an Esprit dress from Proffits department store – anyone remember that popular brand from the early 90s?  There are pictures of me wearing it on a high school trip.  I also actually lost some weight this summer & I have a legitimate concern that the whole world will see my granny panties if Jacob tugs a little too much on my pant leg.  So I reluctantly decided that I really needed some new clothes.  Here is what I learned on my afternoon adventure:

1.  I am definitely an Old Navy kind of girl.  NOT a Gap kind of girl.  That crap’s expensive!  $70 for a shirt?!!?  $20 for a tank top?!!?  The wash cloth I use on my face has more fabric.  Don’t get me started on places like Nordstrom.  I once (yes, just once) went in there and found a camisole for over $100.  I nearly threw up – thankfully not ON the shirt, or it would have been mine, like it or not.  Now I just avoid that store like the plague.

2.  Skinny jeans look great on me…FROM THE KNEES DOWN.  Yikes.

3.  Whoa – when did stirrup pants come back in style?  Is it really 1987 again?  My mom made me wear those things in 1st grade & I’d get off the bus with the stirrups flapping against the backs of my calves.  (See #3 above regarding things that “feel funny.”)

4.  Purple (or as the salespeople called it, “plum”) is a hot color this fall.  I indulged myself and bought a plum colored shirt/sweater combo that will probably be returned to the Gap if I can’t get over the nausea I’m experiencing for what I spent on it.

5.  In the year 2016 I will attempt another shopping expedition.  If the Internet is still the choice for communication at that point, look for another blog update from me about it.


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